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Friday, April 26, 2013

Don't Waste Time On Stupid Shit!

Over at the virtual tree house that is Thumotic, yet another online haven for "traditional masculinity," "community for men with a fighting spirit," readers can sign an oath to join the club.  However, prospective members are cautioned that signing said oath is not to be undertaken lightly; oath-takers are making a real commitment in front of God and everybody.  

Then they are instructed to post their signed oaths on their frig, bathroom mirror, whatever.

I wondered if I had the grit, the inner fortitude, the sense of commitment, to sign such an oath myself.  I took a deep breath and forged ahead.

* * *

The Thumotic Oath


I, Cinzia La Strega, hereby swear the following:


I will train my body. I will grow stronger, faster, and more agile. I will build my physique, and show the world how much respect I have for myself.
YES!  I'll have you know that I have just signed up for "Six Weeks To A Healthier You."  I mainly registered to get the discounted gym membership.  Well, I mainly registered cuz my BFF Becky nagged me into it, pointing out that we can always fit in a quick happy hour after the sessions.  And now I am totally psyched!

I will fuel my body. The majority of my diet will consist of vegetables, fruits, and clean meats.
YES!  Except I have no idea what "clean" vs. "dirty" meats are.  But I can certainly promise to abstain from all food that I know to be contaminated, i.e., no more lunches at the Chinese buffet after 2 pm.  Glad you guys carefully qualified this to read "the majority of my diet" cuz I gotta have a little wiggle room for chocolate.  BTW, does red wine count as a "fruit?"

I will control my vices. Alcohol, tobacco, and drugs will be my servants; they will not make a servant out of me.
Of course alcohol and tobacco are my servants.  It's just that ever since they unionized, their demands have been escalating. 
I will treat what friends and family I admit to my inner circle with honesty, generosity and respect.
YES!  And just so you know, my "inner circle" isn't all that exclusive, especially when it comes to sharing the core values of humanity.

I will unapologetically pursue the women and relationships that I desire.
Uh-oh, my girlfriend may have something to say about that!

I will not waste money and resources on stupid shit.
How do you define "stupid" in this context?  Is nail art stupid shit?  Just kidding, I know very well it is.

I will not waste time and attention on stupid shit.
OK, OK, I'll quit watching "Hoarders."  And pretty much everything else on the Discovery Channel.  And also that cute gay couple who seem to be on the Livewell Network 24/7

I will remain calm, unemotional and nonreactive to the world around me.
Hey, now wait a minute, that doesn't sound like any way to Win Friends and Influence People!

I will dedicate my life to the constant improvement of my body, mind and spirit.
Sure, why not? After all, It's all about me!
I will set an example, and so lead the men around me out of the darkness.
If you insist -- but I'm warning you that's a classic case of "the Blind leading the Blind."

I will help build a world in which traditional masculine virtue is celebrated, not disparaged.
If traditional masculine virtue includes a working knowledge of power tools and a willingness to remove small dead animals from my yard, I do so celebrate it.

I, Cinzia La Strega, swear all of this on my honor as a man person on April 26, 2013.

Wow!  I haven't signed an "oath" since I was a Girl Scout.  Now excuse me while I print it out and tape it to my refrigerator door...

1 comment:

  1. Zosimus the HeathenApril 26, 2013 at 10:57 PM

    Good Lord, what a load of pretentious twaddle (not your post, but the oath itself)! The bit about making one's diet consist predominantly of fruit, vegetables and "clean"* meats makes me suspect that these guys are yet another bunch of manosphere tossers who get into that whole "paleo diet" nonsense (ie the idea of living a longer, healthier life by eating the same way cavemen supposedly did). It's one of the more fascinating and bizarre obsessions of the "Red Pill" crowd (and also arguably one of the more harmless), though it always bemuses me when creationists (of whom there seem to be an unusually large number in the manosphere) claim to follow said diet themselves!

    Just had a look at the site itself, and all I can say is "Ho hum." Lots of references to the mythical "Red Pill"? Check. Lots of references to "Game"? Check. A blogroll full of links to other douchebaggy PUA, MRA and alt-right blogs? Check! (As an interesting aside, one thing I've noticed from all my bored and/or morbidly curious perusal of these kinds of blogs is that for a bunch of big, bold "alpha rebels" who "live by their own rules", these guys seem so drearily alike.)

    BTW, I too have often wondered if red wine counts as a fruit. I mean, it's made from fruit - surely that should count for something!

    *As best as I can tell (from my admittedly rather superficial examination of the subject), "clean" meats to this crowd are meats obtained from animals that have been fed grass rather than grain. I could be wrong, however - maybe they're talking about kosher dietary laws!

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