Monday, February 10, 2014

An Early Childhood Memory

My earliest memory is this:  I am three years old and playing in the front yard of our old house on a spring day.  I spy a bee crawling lazily in the damp, warm grass. 
Early portrait of a dangerous feminist

"Don't step on the bee," my mother warns.  "It will sting you."  

I consider my mother's warning for a moment.  Up to this point, I really haven't even thought about stepping on the bee, but now that I've been warned not to, I can hardly resist.  I don't know yet what it feels like to be stung, and my curiosity outweighs my fear.  I raise one fat, pink, bare foot over the bee and press down tentatively.  

The bee stings me and I burst into tears.  

My mother scoops me up, deposits me inside in my high chair, and removes the stinger with a pair of tweezers.  "It was a bad bee," I wail.  "Don't worry," my mother says grimly.  "Now it's dead. Bees die once they lose their stingers."  This information triggers a fresh volley of tears, as I am now filled with remorse over the fact that I have not only been hurt by, but have myself killed, another sentient creature, simply to satisfy my own relentless curiosity.

I share this memory with my girlfriend yesterday over a late lunch, and she rolls her eyes.  "You haven't changed much, have you?" she says.

Indeed, I have trundled through my entire life recklessly squashing bees, and have sometimes regretted it.  Fortunately, all the bees I've trod on have had very small stingers.


  1. Say, was you ever bit by a dead bee?

  2. You suck. Please join your mother and kill yourself

    1. At my age, suicide seems fairly pointless.

  3. You squash bees, we squash feminists

    We're young, we're the future, and your days as crazy white woman are numbered

    1. Do you mean as "crazy white women" or as "a crazy white woman"? Was that a typo or is ESL needed here?

    2. Cupcake, you don't exactly squash feminists. You just bitch and moan online.

      Also, you are young, and you probably have a long future. But you are kidding yourselves if you think that you'll be anyone of note. Young manospherians are the guys who are un/underemployed, have trouble achieving relationships and, mostly, don't want kids. You boys are a kind of a digital order of monks.

  4. "Fortunately, all the bees I've trod on have had very small stingers."

    Best laugh of the year so far. Thank you so much.


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