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Yesterday, I was in a tanning salon waiting my turn at one of the beds. (I want to build up a little melanin before our trip to Mexico). To my annoyance, all there was to read in the lobby was Cosmopolitan magazine, the one magazine I cannot stand to look at.
Although there was much to admire about Helen Gurley Brown, I have always detested Cosmopolitan. Not only for the content, or lack thereof (since it is dedicated almost exclusively to the various Geisha like arts of pleasing men), but for its style (which, BTW, Nora Ephron skewered brilliantly in a piece for Esquire many years ago). Brown stepped down in 1997, but the magazine only seems to have gotten more obsessively focused on the need for women to cater to men in the bedroom, with shameless headlines screaming "Tease Him and Please Him!" "Foreplay Men Crave!" and "His Butt." Every issue features at least one article on how to gratify men sexually. Cuz these days the way to a man's heart is through advanced fellatio technique.
So it was surprising to read over at ROK that "You've probably noticed that most women haven't got the tiniest interest in pleasing us. The large majority of women believe that getting naked and allowing us to stab their insides with our manly part is pretty much all they have to do when it comes to having sex." Well, you can't blame Cosmopolitan for not trying!
The article, by someone who calls himself Alex "The Player" Matlock, invites readers to identify the type of bad sex that they are (probably not) having. He believes it is important for the Rooshites to know this because it's only "fair" and "natural" and besides, "Judging is important because it allow us to
understand exactly what it is that we want from a sexual encounter." Ah, if wishes were horses...!
Who is Alex Matlock and why should men listen to him? According to his website, Mr. Matlock is working on his PHD -- and he spells it like that, all in caps -- in Social Psychology. He chose Social Psychology because he thought it would help him understand women better. He even shared a flat with three girls once, not to "bang" them, but to deepen his knowledge of the feminine psyche.
Although he assures us that he has "banged a lot of chicks," he has found that most of their performances fall short of the mark. And because Roosh and his ilk love lists (also tables, graphs, flowcharts, and diagrams), Matlock methodically lists the five types of women in order of most (1) to least disappointing (5).
Who is Alex Matlock and why should men listen to him? According to his website, Mr. Matlock is working on his PHD -- and he spells it like that, all in caps -- in Social Psychology. He chose Social Psychology because he thought it would help him understand women better. He even shared a flat with three girls once, not to "bang" them, but to deepen his knowledge of the feminine psyche.
Although he assures us that he has "banged a lot of chicks," he has found that most of their performances fall short of the mark. And because Roosh and his ilk love lists (also tables, graphs, flowcharts, and diagrams), Matlock methodically lists the five types of women in order of most (1) to least disappointing (5).
1. The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)
This girl is guilty of trying too hard. She moves out of sync [because the guy establishes the tempo, presumably]. She has the highest percentage of male genitalia injury [sic], breaks condoms, and makes guys lose their boners. That’s just one more reason to avoid “taking advantage” of heavily inebriated women. Why do I suspect the sarcasm quotes to be Roosh's touch?2. The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin)
I thought these guys wanted sweet, inexperienced girls? But the so-called virgin is just scamming a fellow. She makes a guy feel guilty by acting as though she doesn't know what she's doing. Plus she only allows penetration in the missionary position.
3. The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll)
Matlock suggests that because she doesn’t do anything that disrupts the actual lovemaking... she will probably have many more orgasms than #1 and #2 simply because she lets the man do his thing. Matlock rates such women as "average" in the performance department. And I rate Matlock's understanding of what makes a woman orgasm "below average."4. The one that does something (aka The Girlfriend)
Experienced enough to "put a smile on your face."5. The Pornstar
The ultimate girlfriend experience. (Probably a regular Cosmo reader.)
Is it my imagination, or can I feel the editorial hand of Roosh in every piece that is posted to ROK? Like Helen Gurley Brown and Hugh Hefner, his persona infuses everything. But Roosh is no Hugh Hefner, and the glory days of magazines like Playboy and Cosmopolitan, which were once the authorities on How To Perform One's Sex, are over. The only reason they linger on is that the one thing that doesn't seem to change is the sexual performance anxiety many young men and women suffer from.
And here's a picture of the author with two "chicks." Not surprisingly, he's selling PUA too.
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