Friday, June 27, 2014

In Days of Gor...

While Matt Forney's most recent attempt to manufacture a little click-bait (in the form of ambiguous "satire") hasn't generated the tsunamis of twitter outrage he has enjoyed in the past, his misspelling of "yoke" did give some of us a laugh:

Every man out there has had to deal with a defiant girlfriend or wife. It’s the curse of Eve: girls naturally chafe at the yolk [sic] of the man they have submitted to, even if all they end up doing is finding another master to kneel to.

My favorite comment is here.  Somehow it's all the funnier since -- as others have observed -- Mr. Forney looks so much like a boiled egg himself.

   ·  7h
Also, WTF does "Gorean" mean? I see these dorks using this term all the time and I've never heard of it.

One comment referring to Mr. Forney's "Gorean philosophy" puzzled him; apparently he is unfamiliar with the popular science fiction series John Norman started in the sixties. Fans of Norman's work have been called "the trekkies of BDSM." The reason I know about them is that I once had a boyfriend who kept a secret stash of Norman paperbacks in the back of his closet. By his embarrassed reaction when I occasionally found one under the bed or next to the jacuzzi, I deduced these books were his favorite masturbatory aid. Naturally, I was curious and one afternoon, while he was at work, I pulled the box down and started to read.

Gor is a planet of "barbarians" where the "natural order" of male/female relations prevails.  In other words, the men are dominant and the women are submissive.  Not all the women are beautiful slaves, but even the "free women" who catch the male protagonist's eye sooner or later discover their "inner slave" (just as the male protagonist, former milquetoast Tarl Cabot, discovers his inner "master") and 200 pages of ludicrous plot twists later, everyone is all the happier for it. The entire series (there are 33 volumes so far) adheres to a rigid formula, as genre fiction does, so one book is much like the next  

I have nothing against this sort of fantasy, mind you, but I was devastated to learn that my boyfriend's sexual bent was so different from my own. I did give the whole BDSM scene my best shot, however: I even bought a book called Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns, but studying the diagrams for DIY restraint devices and various knots didn't strike me as "light-hearted fun," it struck me as tedious and faintly depressing. And if anything is guaranteed to get me out of "the mood" tout de suite, it's being spanked, verbally degraded, or compelled to wear an unflattering costume. 

I should have known there was trouble in paradise when David announced plans to transform our downstairs rec room, with its wall-to-wall harvest gold shag carpeting and adjoining "craft room," into a "dungeon." And the night he emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of thread-worn boxers and a leather executioner's mask, I laughed so hard I rolled off the bed. At that point, in terms of our mutual commitment to one another (fortunately, not yet legally sealed), it was all over except the shoutin'. The same day my dog, parrot, and I moved out, his next girlfriend moved in. Apparently, she was very much into all that, and -- as far as I know -- they're still married. Which just goes to show that as every sock finds its own shoe, every master/mistress eventually finds their own slave. And I'm so glad now that I didn't succumb to the temptation to leave a ten pound bucket of shrimp in the back of their linen closet!

Anyway, I'm surprised not to run across more references to the Gor novels among denizens of the manosphere. If a "life philosophy" can be based on a science fiction movie, why not on a series of science fiction novels?  Here's a clip from a 1987 film adaptation of Gor. It's even cheesier than the novels.


  1. I enjoyed Mr Forney's post. It's evidence he has a craving for Twitter outrage - he was hoping that dozens of outraged teenage girls would read it and tweet, and he could then re-tweet their outrage.

    Didn't happen.

    1. Not yet, some virals are slow burners. His piece on crushing self esteem was out for a couple of months before it got him banned on Facebook.

      But yes, it is funny that this has been out there for quite a few days and it's still only had 15 comments.

  2. "it struck me as tedious and faintly depressing."

    I fully understand that. It seems to me that people who need to all that embellishment in their sex life probably don't feel a lot of inherent excitement for each other. It's feels like gilding the lily to me. Why gild a beautiful, natural lily unless it's started to decay

    1. Exactly. Maybe that's why the ubiquitous strip mall "love boutiques" have always struck me as the antithesis of "erotic."

  3. Matt’s latest “outrageous satirical post” only got 15 comments!! His “how to murder your wife/girlfriend” and “how to destroy self-esteem in a girl” posts got comments in the hundreds. He even had to take down one of his posts due to internet outrage.

    Are Matt’s best days behind him?


Thanks for commenting!